My Mom

Mom's viewing last night went very well.  After the initial shock of seeing mom in the casket, and the tears that accompany such a shock, we realized what a great job the funeral home did on making mom look herself.  (I think THEY did a better job on her hair than SHE usually does... sorry mom, you couldn't see how good you looked.... or maybe you could...)

We had around 150-200 friends and family come by to greet and share with us in the celebration of mom's homecoming.  What a tiring, yet great evening.  I saw some friends I haven't seen since high school and college.  I was so proud of dad's strength and stamina.  It wasn't until he got home he realized how tired he was....  There were pretty flowers all around, and numerous gifts designated to the hospice house.  We thank you all for sharing your love and support for our family.

We woke up to single digit weather this morning, however, the sun was shining.... that's half the battle, right?  We had another great time with many showing up for the funeral.  Pastor Don Garvey did a masterful job of sharing some of our memories of mom, discussing one of mom's favorite scriptures -- Psalms 91 -- and giving the people a little insight to the life mom lead.... an incredible example of a Godly woman, who loved the Lord, was not a hypocrite, and knew her priorites in life... God and her family.  Our oldest brother, Dennis, did a nice job of walking everybody through some of the Steen family history and a few good memories.

She was remembered for her quick laugh, sense of humor, and friendly smile.  She was always concerned for others over herself.  She loved to cook and clean.  Her favorite Bible verse was "cleanliness is next to Godliness".... who woulda thought that was not really a verse in the Bible?

Raising four boys was not an easy chore, but she did it with grace and .... okay, it was done mainly with a lot of tears... who are we trying to kid here....  but she did it.

The hardest part of the day was when we four boys rolled that casket out to the hearst..... it was such a sense of finality as we lifted it up and slid it into that vehicle.  The tears flowed and we had a brotherly bonding time of hugging and crying as we said "bye" to our mom for the last time.

We shared some great food and fellowship and then dad and us four boys went out by ourselves to the grave site to make sure everything was in order, and mom was placed in the right spot.  (He didn't want her on his side :)  All was well and we said our final goodbye... once again. 

The incredible show of support and love for our family continued at the house for 5-6 more hours until we finally became quiet and we had a chance to feel how tired we were.  Thus ends a day we will never forget, and will never want to forget.  It was a great day of honoring an incredible woman... my mom.  I love you mom and always will.  See you soon.

Peggy Steen 's Final Arrangements

Please go to http://www.cedarmemorial.com/ to view mom's obituary, funeral arrangements and her memorial video, etc.

Dad has asked that in lieu of flowers, memorial donations be given to the Dennis and Donna Oldorf Hospice House of Mercy, in Hiawatha in Peggy's name.

The checks should be made out to the hospice house, but mailed to the funeral home --
Cedar Memorial Park and Funeral Home
4200 First Avenue NE
Cedar Rapids, IA  52402
(319) 393-8000

Thank you all for your concern and prayer for the family during this time.  They are greatly appreciated.

Always One Step Ahead of Us

I really don't know where to begin tonight..... it has been some kind of day.  My dad, brother and I got a call at the breakfast table this morning from my older brother informing us that mom had made the decision to go ahead and finish this earthly race, taking her place at the winner's circle in heaven.....

You see, TODAY was the most incredible day of my mom's life.  Today she went to heaven to meet and talk with Jesus.  Soon to be followed by finding her mom and dad, as well as other friends and relatives.  I'm sure they'll keep her busy until we can get up there and join her.

She's had many incredible days over the years -- meeting and marrying her husband (my dad); birthing four boys (okay, those might not have been so incredible at the time....); seeing, holding and playing with her seven grandchildren; not to mention her four GREAT grandchildren.  However, I'm sure nothing can begin to touch what she saw this morning around 8:30am CST.  What could possibly prepare you for that kind of adventure.... it had to be incredible.

To think it was just twelve short days ago she was first diagnosed with leukemia.  (Okay, they weren't short at the time, but seem short now.)  It's hard to believe how our world was turned upside down.
Through it all, though, we can see that God answered my mom's prayer -- make it short and fast, with no pain, and let me die in my sleep.  Check, check, check.  Thank you God.

When she got there, I'm assuming that she quickly RE-cleaned her mansion, checked to see if there was any food for her to start baking with, and went out to meet some of the neighbors.... you know, like Billy Graham, a few of the twelve disciples, Esther, etc.  I'm sure she's in their neighborhood.

Obviously we'll miss her, especially my dad, who is starting a new journey of his own.  We know all the words of comfort to say and hear, but it will be interesting how each of us digest this event in our lives.  I'm sure we'll have some rough days, but we are at peace, knowing she has just had the most incredible day of her life.  We would never take that away from her..... (she always was one step ahead of us.)

Peggy Jane Steen     September 21, 1932 -- February 7, 2010

.....To Die Is Gain

This is a short post tonight.... I'm exausted after another short night of being with mom, and will hit the bed early tonight.  Dennis was kind enough to spend the night with her tonight.  She was pretty active physically, but not mentally.  She was really "antsy" and trying to get out of the bed all day.  We were constantly putting her legs back up in the bed.  She was insistent on "going home".  (I'm not sure which "home" she was talking about....)  She was not very mentally aware, and for the first day, did not acknowledge various people that came in to see her today.

We keep talking with her, and doing a lot of reminicing as brothers and family.  We laughed ALOT today, just weren't sure how much she took in.  I'd share some of those stories with you, but I'm afraid my employer, or really anybody associated with me professionally might read some of it.... (can't afford to risk that....if you know what I mean. :)

Pastor Don Garvey stopped by to check on mom and pray with us.  He reminded us of what Paul said in the New Testament, "to live is Christ, to die is gain".  We're trying hard to remember that for the sake of mom.  We don't want to be selfish, as we know that mom is the one "gaining" in this situation, not us.

Go for it mom.  You desire it!  We love you.

A Blessed Family

As I prepare to spend the night in this now quiet room, except for my mom's peaceful snoring... (which, of course, is usually my job), I'm reminded again of what a blessed family I'm a part of.  Not only my immediate family, which has been great this week..... but my extended family of Christians.  What a bond we share --one that only gets stronger during trials and crisis -- which is when we need it most.  It's like they come out of the woodwork, and you almost forgot that they were there....when all they needed was an invitation.

We spent another full day at the hospice house today, loving on our mom, and making her feel as comfortable as possible.  Okay, I admit it.  We boys had a few great moments making fun of mom's random and off the wall comments throughout the day.  (I know, I know, she can blame them on drugs and illness,  but what's my excuse?)  Real funny.

It was a pretty good stream of people that came and went throughout the day.  And that was along with the core of 5-6 that stayed with her from morning to night.   I realized as the day went on that five of the seven rooms on our wing were occupied.  Unfortunately, I never saw more than one or two people ever come by or enter any of those other rooms.  In fact, to my knowledge, a couple saw no visitors...... how sad.

The Steen family is blessed, and I'm sure if you're reading this post, you are one of the reasons why.  We can never adequately thank all the people that have show concern and prayed for my mom and our family during this time.  We've been overloaded with food..... (I'm not complaining, mind you.).... and been shown love beyond compare.  Thank you all for doing what you do.... it means a lot.

Our nurse told me this morning that her next visit to see mom was scheduled for next Monday, however, she didn't think she'd be making that visit.  Her opinion was that mom would not make it through the weekend.  (She's not God, of course, so we'll see what happens.)

Karen is flying in this Sunday and will be with me until Thursday.  If the nurse is right, we may both go home that day, we're not sure.  Time will tell.  Thanks again for your prayers.

The "S" Word

Leave it to mom to prove me wrong on two things I said in my last post.  It was nice to be wrong on these.

Remember I said she would probably not even realize where she was going today?  Well, I waited until I saw the ambulance pull into the driveway to tell mom we were taking her to another place for more comfort.  I didn't want her to have time to think about it, or object and be upset......  When I told her, she just said, "Is it the white house?"  Yes, it was a big white house.  Then she said, "Is it the house Don went to?"  Yes, it is the house one of their best friends, Don, went to for his last days about a year ago.  That was it.  She knew where she was going, and had no problem with it.  Once again, the peace of God was resting on her and this situation.  She calmly allowed us to get her transported to an incredibly beautiful and tasteful facility to finish out her days.  It is a serene and peaceful environment, a great staff that will take good care of her, and a place that is only 5 minutes from my dad's house.  We couldn't have asked for more.

I also mentioned that I would probably never hear her laugh again..... wrong again.

Tonight all the brothers were in the room and the nurse came in and used the "S" word... We all pretty much scattered at that point.... (you know, the "S" word -- suppository).  Craig, who decided to be the brother to spend the night with mom joked, "I guess I can let you know if it works or not...".  To which I replied, "Can I leave my camera with you?"

We thought mom was in a deep sleep.... she opened her eyes, looked up and let out the first laugh I'd heard in five days!  It was great..... It made me smile.... (you know, the "S" word -- smile.)  

6 Aloha Drive

Well, we made a big decision this morning.  Mom doesn't know it yet, and may never realize it actually.  There will be two paramedics coming to 6 Aloha Drive in Hiawatha, IA, to transport her out of her house for the last time.  I can guarantee you that this house will NEVER be the same......

We determined, along with hospice staff's recommendation, that it would be best for mom to get the professional care needed for her last few days.  Care that her family cannot properly provide.  We did our best.  She will be going to a beautiful hospice house to be cared for, which will allow us just to be family and not full care givers.

My dad knows that once that vehicle pulls up, his house will be a much lonelier place.  However, we know that this is the best decision for all concerned and he is at peace.

But mom has shown her heart and spirit again, even in her hallucinations...... last night she saw a little kitten on the ceiling.  Not too scary right?  That was mom.  No dark side, all light.   She was a delight to be around and always brightened the room with her quick laugh.  I guess we'll need to remember that laugh in our memories, as it probably won't surface again......

Thank you for keeping her and my father in your prayers.  God has been faithful and we know will continue to be until the end.  God bless.
 

Dad's Birthday

We're celebrating Dad's birthday tonight.  It's actually tomorrow -- a spry 83.  Married to the same woman for 57 years..... not a bad piece of work for an Iowa boy.  Way to go dad!  We're proud of you.

This will probably be the last birthday mom and dad have together..... I don't know how much mom will remember about it, but you can be sure we'll have some cameras flashing for proof.  We expect just immediate family and will celebrate as best we can.

Mom is continuing to slip, and the details are not important.  What is important is what I can't forget to tell dad......... See, as I was helping mom at 3am this morning, (who was insistent on brushing her teeth at the sink), she was adament that I tell dad to get that sink cleaned.  "It's a mess!"  Vintage mom.....

Without a miracle the time is coming soon...... And we are getting prepared, as I'm sure God is.  I mean, it's going to be a pretty nice place He has to get ready for her.  It might take more time than the usual place, as she deserves quite a mansion.....

Thanks for you prayers and support!  God bless you all.

Some Things are NO Fun.....

This morning I got the privilege of feeding my mother some breakfast.  She's getting so weak, if she has to do it, she'd just rather not.  I told her I had just made my "specialty" for her for breakfast.  It was Honey Nut Cheerios, and I had added the milk myself..... I usually would get a good laugh, but now it was just a slight grin.... good enough for me.  I told her if she didn't eat more, I'd have to try the "airplane ploy" on her.  The one she used on us all these years.  (It didn't work.)

If you haven't heard, what my mom thought was just not feeling good back in November turned into an case of Acute Leukemia.  A very deadly and fast moving form of cancer.  The doctors didn't really recommend treatment, as they thought she probably couldn't make it through.  The cancer was throughout her body --- blood, lymph nodes, stomach, etc.  Maybe 2-6 weeks to live.  As time progresses, that number looks to be a pretty good window of time for Peggy Jane Steen, my incredible mom.

It's NO fun watching mom lose her strength to talk (we all know how she likes to talk!).....lose her strength to walk..... and begin the involuntary muscle twitches.  I know it's not fun having them either.

I have a whole new respect for people that have gone before me..... caring for parents or elderly going through illness, etc.  It's only been 5 days for me and I don't know how some people do it.  My hat is off to all of you!  Obviously only the Lord can give the strength needed for these privileged jobs.

Mom is still mom though.  I told her yesterday morning I was going to get a shower.  I could barely hear her, but she made it clear there were plenty of towels and I could get a fresh one.  (Always looking out for others...especially her boys.)  See mom has this thing..... you never use a towel twice.  NEVER should you dry your face with the some towel that just dried your rear end the day before.  "I don't care how clean that rear end was.... it's still touching your face!"  That's mom.  (Notice how I kept the language clean?)

She tries to get to the bathroom at night without ringing "the bell", because dad and I need our sleep......  she doesn't want to bother us.  Such is the legacy that mom will be leaving behind soon.  One that will live on in our hearts forever.

Dad is dealing with things as well as could be expected.  He understands that God is ready for mom, and dad's not going to take on somebody like that in a game of one-on-one.  He knows he'll lose.  He's giving her up freely.  However, it doesn't make the thought of living without her any easier to imagine.....

Dad is still dad.... I saw him eating supper by himself with a single bulb lamp pulled up beside his plate on the kitchen table.  You see, that light only had one bulb.  The overhead light had four bulbs.  That's like..... four times as much electricity not being used....... Dad knows his four boys will be there for him as best we can.  But nothing will take the place of that lady that's been on his arm for 57 years......

I thank each of you for your prayers and support during this time..... Some things are NO fun!